Trying To Be Thankful In The Midst Of Difficulty

I am disappointed to find that this particular blog is the one that I have not posted on in the longest time and that the last post was about the radio show I was hosting that should have been done as a separate blog site since this one was set up for life in general and ministry related postings. Not even doing the radio show anymore, and the blog I set up to begin doing it as instead, I have not even had time to do the weekly postings I was planning on doing for it.  Famous last words of a fool I guess.

I have spent most of these last several months trying to work on two book projects that I still hope to have turned out by the end of 2014 but sleep being very little lately for more than one of us in this house and trying to run the A Cara Christmas-Toy Drive To Benefit Children’s Mercy Hospital that we have done the last few years, work and family time have taken priority. And book sales of existing books for my daughter and I have not been good at all, which makes sending sales tax records to the state once a quarter even more of an unwelcome hassle. Never felt like we sell enough each year that we should even have to do that anyway, but whatever………

Earlier this year, my wife developed a problem with one of her hips after sitting on the floor at church while working with Awana kids and hardly being able to get back up, that led to lots of doctors, x-rays, MRI’s, physical therapy and finally a cortisone shot in it. And just when that seemed to get better, she developed what is known as a “frozen shoulder”, that led to much of the same. Cortisone shot didn’t seem to do anything. That and other things are leading to a lot of nights of very little sleep for one or both of us, that has me sleeping a lot during the day. I still work evenings so sleeping late into the mornings after she leaves for work and our daughter leaves for community college classes (that we are even dealing with stress over as the funding for A+ students like her is being greatly reduced, leaving us to wonder if we will be able to afford to keep her in her classes and for how long) is frequent.

Finances are strained, thanks to greatly increased utility bills due to a water leak in our hot water heater earlier this year that led to having it replaced, all the extra medical bills, and medical insurance that will go up quite a bit in 2015, the price of fuel, etc.

This caught up to me this past Sunday as I got up as usual and got ready for church, and we went, but I could hardly keep my eyes open in Sunday School and by worship service, could not even stay awake standing up, trying to sing worship songs and preparing to stand in for someone to lead the service’s opening prayer. I sounded like a dying battery “Praise God from who……..m a….ll bl………….sings…….fl……….” I then retreated to the car, planning to sleep it off during the service, but my wife brought me back home to sleep instead. Actually, I nearly told them they needed to go without me originally. But, I tried to stick it out. Slept til just long enough to have lunch and go to work that evening. Truth is, since my body is so used to only getting a few hours sleep by the time my girls are getting up and around in the mornings, doing some housework and going back to bed for a few hours, and sleeping late on Saturdays, I am physically ready to go back to bed by the time it’s time to leave on Sundays every week. Recent circumstances have made that even more so. But I go anyway, trying to set a good example and because I really do desire to be at church, worship and fellowship, serve in ministries and be under the teaching & preaching. But this time, it just got the best of me.

My mother-in-law spent many weeks this year in and out of hospitals and rehab centers, as has one of my emotionally adopted Moms from church, so I feel like we have practically lived in hospitals the last few months. I have a Cousin dealing with cancer currently.

I put in for a hardship transfer at work, due to the physical problems my wife is having as we work right across the street from each other but on opposite shifts, that if I got transferred to days could have us riding together and having more time together. But, just as numerous other transfer requests I have put in over the last few years have fallen on deaf ears, and this time, even with my sleep issues being partially due to the hours I work, has been no different. Lots of changes going on at both my job and my wife’s that we are having to adjust to. Lots of changes going on at church too that while they are good in theory, has not been fun for me to adjust to.

I am normally a very flexible, changeable person who is usually way too nice about making changes when I am asked. Even while those asking changes of me just want to say “this is how it is, you just deal with it” when I suggest change. They even suggest that I am just selfish for wanting change, lately I am starting to feel like I am tired of just being a “yes man” . But it’s not like anyone is going to listen or care.

I went to several weeks of one hour a week counseling sessions this year, but unfortunately, there was enough to be dealt with that one hour a week was scarcely enough, and it really should have not just been me going. After I thought my six free sessions were done, I was still asked to come back, only to receive a bill later, which just added to our financial concerns and is where I stopped going.

We have had mondo cell phone issues this year. My daughter dropped hers in the toilet and had to replace it. A few months ago, mine came out of its case and crashed onto our church parking lot as I ran to my car during a during a torrential downpour. Its replacement went dead for no known reason in a short period of time. Put my sim-card into my daughter’s old phone but it soon met the same fate, just up and dying within about a week. That was just a couple weeks ago. The replacement for that one had a bad charger port. Discovered that withing 48 hours. A replacement was ordered last Saturday and while the last one arrived late on a Tuesday, after also being ordered on a Saturday, I am still waiting late on Wednesday.

So, we are about to host Thanksgiving at our home as we have for many years (long story there), and whereas she normally has this week off, I actually ended up with Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday off, and between that and her ongoing physical issues, and have been under the weather with sinus issues in the last week, in addition to the normal extensive list of household chores I do every day all year long, a lot more is being required of me to prepare for it which I’m ok with, because I enjoy us having the holiday dinners. But, it will be our first without our son here as he attends college and works out of town, and recent Mock Trials (he is a Political Science major, President of his school’s Mock Trial Association and plans to be an attorney)  he had in Tennessee required time off that will now not allow him to have time off to come home for Thanksgiving. Hoping he can for Christmas. But, my in-laws have financially provided for the feast. Thankful for that. Also thankful that while my work schedule does not always allow me to have holidays off, as I previously mentioned, I had Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday off this week, and will have December 24th-28th off for Christmas.

And then there is all this craziness going on in Ferguson, Missouri and all over the country as everybody and their brother who is in the mood to just act foolish this year, is using Ferguson as their rallying cry.

But in the end, I know someone always has it worse than me and that God is still on the throne despite all of this. So, I can still be thankful in the midst of difficulty. I’m John Losh and if I don’t see you in church. If I don’t see you here……….I’ll see you IN THE AIR!

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About oldgravelroad

Born -Again Christian,48 years old,Married over 26 years,Father of 2, Civilian Employee in Records Section-KCMO Police Dept. I love to write-have kept Journals since May,1991,have been either a contributor to,or sole producer of various private newsletters in the past,have Blogs and postings on various websites,have some potential book projects in the works.Recently had first article featured in Metro Voice Christian Newspaper.Freelance Writer-if you need someone to make your business look good on Blogs or websites,in Newspaper articles,or trade publications-call me at (816)-914-3578.
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